Posted by: kaizen4life | January 24, 2008

Will a man ever love his booty call?

I keep trying to wrap my mind around relationships and men.  I just don’t get it.  My parents are happily married and I always thought I’d have the same.  I always thought that there was 1 man out there, destined to be loved by me and to love me in return.  I firmly believed this.

Now I’m not so sure.

I’ve had 3 serious relationships in my life.  D (my highschool boyfriend), C (My ex husband), and R (my ex lover).  Those are also the only guys I’ve had sex with.   As I said in previous posts, if I’m having sex with a guy, then I’ve pretty much fallen for him.  I can’t have sex without getting strong feelings toward the guy.

 Apparantly, guys are not the same. 

R is still trying to hang in there, but we’re having deep, deep conversations every night about the status of our relationship.  R is understandably frustrated, but he needs to get over it.  I know that sounds mean and uncaring, but look, we aren’t married, we barely dated and he never committed to me.  He was still seeing his ex while sleeping with me.  So yes, he was getting free booty.

Now we’re discussing feelings (he says he really cares for me) and where we’re at and blah blah blah.  I’m tired of it.  I’m tired of R acting like he’s the victim. 

For example:  Yesterday we were joking about how I still have my Christmas tree up.  He started to give me a dare:

R: If you keep your tree up until March, I’ll….never mind.

Me:  What?

R: Well, I was going to say, I’ll give you a full body massage, but I can’t say that anymore.

Me: Why not?

R:  You know.  Because we’re not having sex.

Me:  Well, you can get me a gift certificate for a massage.

R: No, I wanted to give you a massage but I can’t now. 

And then we spent the next hour talking about sex and how frustrated he was because we can’t have it.

If I have sex with a man, does that mean I have to have sex with him for the rest of my life?  There was no commitment (on his part), no deep expression of feelings (on his part. When I found out he was still seeing his ex, I got upset and showed too much of how I was feeling.  Big mistake), nothing. 

I’ve asked him if he wanted to be friends but he said no.  He wants to try having a relationship without sex, though not as a boyfriend/girlfriend.

That’s right folks, he still doesn’t want to commit to me.  Not that that was my goal in doing this, but I see no point in being with a guy if I’m not his girlfriend.  That’s why I wanted to end it in the first place.  If we’re not friends and I’m not his girlfriend, then what are we? 

I’m good enough to fuck, but not good enough to exclusively date. 

Why did I put myself in this position.  I don’t see myself having sex with a man for a very long time.  I just can’t be a booty call.  I’m worth more than that! 


Responses

  1. Good for you:) I was in a situation similar to yours not too long ago, and finally ended it.
    This guy sounds like a sleazebag and is definitely not worthy of your time!

  2. What do you think about women and their booty calls?

  3. You should read the book “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov. It will take you from doormat to dreamgirl.

  4. Why stay in contact with R if he will not commit to you?

  5. What do you think about women and their booty calls?

    I don’t know. I don’t understand the ‘botty call’. How can she have sex with a guy and not feel anything? If a woman is able to do this, she might have someone else that she loves and is obviously justing using the booty call to tide her over until she can get the one she wants.

    Of course, everyone is different. Some women are able to shut off their emotions and have a purely physical relationship.

  6. You should read the book “Why Men Love Bitches” by Sherry Argov. It will take you from doormat to dreamgirl.

    Believe it or not, I read that book a long time ago. Great book! My ex husband saw it and didn’t like it based on the title, so I gave it away. LOL! Like I said earlier, I was a big time door mat. Maybe I should buy another copy. I also have “Why men marry bitches”.

  7. Why stay in contact with R if he will not commit to you?

    Good question! I don’t know….

  8. The men who do love bitches don’t love them for long: once the pussy has been conquered, it’s time to dominate the next bitch.

  9. Chuck, this reaffirms my belief that a woman should not allow herself to be ‘conquered’ until the man has shown his love/respect for her (the best way being a proposal).

    Thanks for posting

  10. Same as you, I’ve usually fallen for a guy before I have sex with them. My “bc” acted like he had fallen head over heals for me. Little did he know, I had totally fallen for him, so i bit – hook line and sinker. He’s definitely a pro at the booty call thing. First time we went out, before I even finished my drink, he said we had to leave, as he had to let his dog out. (No, I didn’t sleep with him the first time out. Next time, he said “I’ve been around people all evening, would you mind just hanging out at my place?” (he’s a bartender) Of course naive me, felt bad, and agreed. Soon it was “hang out” at his place, then he immediately drives me home. Sometimes we grab a quick bite somewhere first. Geez, I really do need the physical part of it all, and figured. I can have no sex and no relationship, or I can one of the two- sex and no relationship. So, I talked myself into letting myself be the “bc.” Recently when he texts, I feel so sad that I can’t even respond. Had to get in the “mood” when you just want to cry your eyes out. like you, I have to end this. But this is the last time. I can’t handle the disappointment yet once again. One can handle only so many disappointments. I have many many friends, so I’m going to commit to celibacy for a long while I think. I’ve never felt so strongly for someone, and never want to again. “The men who do love bitches don’t love them for long: once the pussy has been conquered, it’s time to dominate the next bitch.” I guess that’s just the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth.


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