Posted by: kaizen4life | February 19, 2008

The Joy of Celibacy!

Ever since I decided to stop having casual sex (sex without a commitment), I’ve noticed a few things:

1) My decision is being reaffirmed over and over again!  I go to church, and the sermon just happens to be on that subject.  I turn on talk radio and they’re talking about it.  I go to a library and “A Return to Modesty” by Wendy Shalit jumps out at me.  It’s amazing! LOL

2) I am much more comfortable around the opposite sex.  In our society, the value of a woman is based on her sex appeal.  To be honest, it gets pretty damn tiring being sexy all of the time.  In the past, if I didn’t feel like being sexy then I went to the opposite end of the spectrum and looked grungy (sweats, t-shirt, no makeup).  Why is there no in between?

Now that I am not offering my body to the whole freaking world, I feel much more comfortable dressing pretty.  I want to wear skirts and makeup and look attractive.  I’m not afraid to attract men because I don’t feel like I have to sleep with a man just because he asks or spent money on me.  I’ve already made the decision that I’m not going to sleep with him.  Whether or not he wants to take me out is up to him after that. 

It’s very freeing!

And guess what?  Men will still take you out even if they know you won’t sleep with them.  What a shock!!  LOL 

R took me out last weekend.  We’re friends without benefits now and it seems like he wants to date me properly!  We had a good time with good conversation.  The goodbye kiss was extremely hot b/c we knew that it ended there.  In the past, we would barely kiss before the clothes would start coming off.  Now, the sexual tension is amazing! I honestly did not expect this.  R is really showing himself to be a good man.

The person who said that women control the mood of the relationship wasn’t lying.  Apparently, R wants to be with me.  If it means dating with no sex, fine with him.  If it means free, casual sex, he’s there with bells on!  LOL  And I don’t blame him. 

I feel so free!  I’m about to go run errands with my cute little (modest) skirt on.  I feel like I can be feminine and womanly.  

It’s hard to explain.  I think I always wore jeans before because I feared being attractive to men.  I feared having to be in the position where I would have to say no to his sexual advances because I feared being disliked.   Yet, I also wanted to be pretty and attractive.  Just not too attractive I guess. 

Now, I’m not afraid of being attractive.  I’m not afraid of men’s advances because I feel comfortable being choosy.  I feel comfortable in the mindset that a man must be worthy of my attention, not the other way around.  And if he’s going to come into my body, then he must be THE ONE!

Ladies, it is so worth it!  Read “A Return to modesty“.  Be more choosy.  Don’t give yourself to a man who won’t give himself to you first!



  1. I am so proud of you!!! Thank you for sharing your journey of inner beauty!

    The middle line between slob and sexy vamp is:
    Pretty, Beautiful, Gorgeous.


  2. Amen sister!

    Wendy Shalit is one of my favorite authors. That book is amazing.

  3. That is awesome. 🙂

  4. That is some really good advice. Thanks for all your help. I’ll be sure to check back for more relationship help. You make me smile.. thanx again

  5. good 4 u! welcome to my world (and others like us)!! im so calm and peaceful knowing my limits, its liberating….i just wish all women would know how it feels too…

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